A Thousand Thoughts

On the way back, Tang Xu parked the car at the entrance of a supermarket, turned off the engine, and explained, “Let’s eat at home today instead of going out.”

As summer approached, the air conditioning in the supermarket was very strong.
Tang Cuo shivered when he entered, and Tang Xu noticed and said, “Let’s start morning runs tomorrow, and I’ll supervise you.”

Tang Cuo rubbed his nose and argued with his eyelids raised, “I’m pretty healthy.
It’s just suddenly so cold.
I need time to adapt.”

Tang Xu laughed and patted his head without responding.

“What do you want to eat?” He looked around and asked, “Do you want to eat fish?”

Tang Cuo thought for a moment and nodded.
When they arrived at the fish counter, he said, “Let’s buy a fish with fewer thorns.”

Instead of choosing live fish, Tang Xu went to the freezer and picked up a box of white fish.

“I’ll make a special dish for you.
I’ll stir-fry this type of sea fish with cucumber and add some vinegar, cooking wine, and other seasonings.
I think it tastes really good.”

Living inland, they usually ate freshwater fish.
Tang Cuo remembered one year when someone gave them two sea fish, and Xiang Wan was at a loss for how to cook them.
In the end, he recalled Xiang Wan searching for recipes online and steaming the fish.
It was too salty and not delicious.

After hearing Tang Xu’s recipe for stir-fried fish, Tang Cuo found it quite novel and asked, “How did you come up with this method?”

Tang Xu smiled and said, “When I was abroad before, I got tired of all the Western food and started cooking for myself.
At first, I didn’t know anything and just bought a piece of fish.
When I got back to the dorm, my roommate said it was a salty sea fish.
I didn’t know how to cook it, so I just stir-fried it like vegetables.
Since it was already salty, I figured I didn’t need to add any salt, and it turned out to be pretty good.”

“That’s your innate talent,” Tang Cuo replied without hesitation.

If it came to blind personal worship, Tang Cuo would undoubtedly be ranked first.
He only realized how much of a fool he was after speaking.
He secretly stuck out his tongue and walked forward.

The cold air from the freezer was still blowing, and Tang Xu stopped to push the cart.
Tang Cuo didn’t notice and continued to walk forward in frustration.
Tang Xu smiled and looked at his back for two seconds.
Then he looked down and saw a pile of colorful things beside the freezer.
He raised his eyebrows and reached out to take one.

As Tang Cuo walked, he suddenly realized that there seemed to be no one beside him.
He stood still and looked back to find Tang Xu walking towards him with a smile on his face, pushing a shopping cart.

When Tang Xu reached him, he pulled out the hand that was originally behind his back.
Immediately afterwards, Tang Cuo’s nose was touched by something cool, causing him to instinctively raise his head to avoid the cold sensation.

He shrank his neck and looked down; it was a Ke ai duo1 The original name of the ice cream is “Kě ài duō” (可爱多) which literally means “adorable many” or “lovely a lot”.
It is a Chinese ice cream brand, and the brand is known for its small size and variety of flavours, and is popular among children and adults alike in China.milk-flavoured ice cream cone.

Tang Xu pinched the tip of the ice cream cone with three fingers and rolled it around a couple of times.

“You did well today, so here’s a reward.”

On the way back, Tang Xu talked to him about what dish to cook today, and the car radio broadcasted real-time traffic conditions outside under the bright sun.
Everything was like a scene from everyday life.
Tang Cuo looked for Tang Xu’s shadow on the transparent window pane, watching his mouth move.
It was an ordinary scene, but for Tang Cuo, it transcended the happiness of a peaceful life.

The phone rang at an inappropriate time, and Tang Cuo took it out to check.
It was He Zhong calling.
Tang Cuo only had time to say “hello” before the call turned into He Zhong’s personal show.

After hanging up the phone, Tang Xu asked, “Did he pass the English exam?”

Tang Cuo rubbed his ear and nodded.
“Did you hear that? He has taken the exam three times and finally passed.”

Tang Xu laughed and suddenly asked, “What about you? How many times would you need to pass?”

This question made Tang Cuo silent for a while, not because he was thinking about the answer but because he was thinking about how to express the answer.
In the end, he raised a finger and shook it at Tang Xu, saying, “One time.”

Tang Xu turned his head and looked at him.
He realised that Tang Cuo really didn’t understand what pride was.
Even when saying such things, he only looked like he was stating an objective fact, without any sense of satisfaction or even a trace of cunning in his eyes.

Not being self-satisfied with his own excellence is a great quality.
But for Tang Cuo, it made Tang Xu feel particularly heartbroken.
He hoped that at least when facing him, Tang Cuo could be proud and confident.

“You’re really good,” Tang Xu said with a smile, ruffling his furry head.
“I’ve never heard you mention anything about taking the English exam.
What? Don’t you plan on going abroad?”

Tang Cuo hadn’t had a chance to retract his gaze from Tang Xu’s, and when Tang Xu glanced over, he caught him off guard.
For a moment, he couldn’t find the right words, and he became both embarrassed and anxious, fidgeting with his shorts.
Tang Xu didn’t urge him on, nor did he turn to look at him again, but continued to drive steadily.

“I don’t want to go…I feel like it’s pretty good here in China,” Tang Cuo said after a while.

Perhaps it was because of the technology exhibition they just visited, or perhaps it was because Tang Xu was the one asking the question, but Tang Cuo was very unsure of himself at the moment.
After he spoke, he stared at Tang Xu, afraid of missing any expression on his face.

Tang Xu, on the other hand, remained calm, showing no surprise or opposition.
He just said, “Oh, I see.”

It was only with comparison that the difference in their reactions became apparent.
Tang Cuo thought of Shen Xihuai’s calm demeanour and Tang Xu’s expression when he praised Shen Xihuai.

“I see.
Well, to be honest, I’m a bit surprised,” Tang Xu said.
“Although it’s true that China has made great progress in our field over the years, there is still a gap between us and foreign countries in terms of professional level.
Also, the teaching methods are very different in China and abroad, each with its own advantages and disadvantages.
You have adapted well to the education system in China, but I’m thinking that if you go abroad and learn some new things, it may be even more helpful for you.
Of course, I’m just giving you advice, not trying to force you to change your decision.
I respect all your decisions because I believe that you make the right ones, unconditionally.”

Tang Cuo was stunned by his words and didn’t know what to say.
He bit his lip and turned his head forward.

“Okay, I understand.”

He didn’t have sufficient reasons to defend himself on this issue, so his first reaction was to evade the question.
He was afraid to discuss this matter with Tang Xu, or rather, he was afraid that Tang Xu would discover his narrow-mindedness and expose him as someone who regards love as his sole purpose in life.

But avoidance doesn’t mean he wouldn’t think about it secretly.

The car ride wasn’t very long, and before he could sort out his thoughts, Tang Xu had already parked the car in a parking space.
Tang Cuo’s head was still spinning with confusion, and his body moved slowly and clumsily.
Tang Xu grabbed him and pulled him towards the unit door next to them, holding back his laughter as he looked at the troubled expression on Tang Cuo’s face and asked, “What, you don’t even recognise your own home anymore?”

When they arrived home, Tang Xu took out the vegetables from the bag, divided them into two piles, and handed them to Tang Cuo.
“Go wash and clean the vegetables.”

“Okay,” Tang Cuo replied, and he took the vegetables to the trash can, then grabbed a small stool and sat down to start picking vegetables.

As he picked the vegetable leaves, Tang Cuo unconsciously began to play a game that rarely worked but had been passed down for many years.
Pick the first one, go abroad; pick the second one, don’t go abroad…

After he finished picking all the vegetables, Tang Cuo stared at the pile of vegetable leaves for a moment, then tossed the one labelled “go abroad” to the side.

Meanwhile, Tang Xu was thawing the frozen fish and watching Tang Cuo, who was still stubbornly fighting with himself.
At first, Tang Xu was watching him sneakily, but then he realised that Tang Cuo was not paying attention to him at all.
So, he boldly stood there and even took out his phone to secretly take a few pictures of Tang Cuo’s back.

For a long time after that, Tang Cuo was very unhappy with the pictures of himself looking dishevelled and depressed, but Tang Xu insisted on using them as his desktop background, and his protests were ineffective.

Tang Cuo put a basin of washed vegetables on the cutting board with a sullen face and pretended not to see Tang Xu’s antics.
He said, “Okay, it’s none of your business now.
Go watch TV.”

However, Tang Cuo didn’t leave; he stood silently next to Tang Xu and watched him.

Tang Xu picked up a handful of vegetables and began to chop them.
He asked, “What’s up? Do you want to learn how to cook?”

Without knowing whether he was serious or not, Tang Cuo replied with a grunt.
Tang Xu was about to laugh and chase him away when he suddenly asked, “Do you think I’m not ambitious enough…?”

The sound of chopping vegetables abruptly stopped.
Tang Xu glanced at him and then lowered his head to continue chopping, but this time he wasn’t as hurried.

“Why do you say that?” he asked.

Tang Cuo was silent for two seconds, then asked back instead of answering, “Do you want me to go abroad or stay in the country?”

The two of them seemed to be playing a game of questioning, with all their answers turning into questions.

“If it’s in China, which school do you want to go to?”

Without waiting for Tang Cuo to answer, Tang Xu already understood everything from the hesitation in his eyes.
He didn’t think it was necessary to push him again since he had guessed it earlier.
He sighed and put down the knife in his hand, turning to face Tang Cuo.

“I want to ask you a question, and you just need to nod or shake your head.” Tang Xu put both arms on Tang Cuo’s shoulders, bent down slightly, and looked him in the eye.
“Do you want to continue staying at the university because of me?”

The question was clear and straightforward.

Unexpectedly, after Tang Xue so openly stripped away the thoughts that he had tried to hide, Tang Cuo did not feel as embarrassed or panicked as he had imagined.
Tang Xue’s eyes were too gentle, which made him even avoid eye contact.

When he nodded, he seemed to feel much more relaxed.

Tang Xu looked at him again for a moment, smiled, and tilted his head to ask him, “Am I that important?”

This time, Tang Cuo didn’t hesitate or feel embarrassed; he immediately nodded firmly.

Tang Xu sighed and left Tang Cuo, turning around to lean against the kitchen counter.

“SiHang, if you weren’t twenty years old today but thirty years old, I wouldn’t be thinking about encouraging you to go out.”

He grabbed one of Tang Cuo’s hands and placed it on his own palm, pinching his fingers one by one.
“But you’re only twenty years old.
You’re about to have the best ten years of your life, and these ten years hold infinite possibilities for you.
What these possibilities are, I think you’ll know in the future.
I can create a warm nest for you, and of course, you can stay in this nest for a lifetime, but I don’t want you to miss out on the opportunity to see other scenery.”

Tang Cuo blinked and looked at him, digesting the content of his words alone.

“I know you don’t want to leave me, and actually, I don’t want you to either.
When you nodded and told me that I was important just now, I even had the selfish impulse to not say anything and just keep you by my side.
But I can’t do that.
You still have one more year until you graduate from college.
In fact, everything you have learned and accumulated up until now is just a foundation.” Tang Xu raised his hand and rubbed Tang Cuo’s back at the position of his shoulder blades, saying, “Your wings have just started to grow here, which is not easy.
You should spread your wings and fly rather than just hastily folding them up now.
I finally chose to become a teacher at the University of Science and Technology.
This was a choice I made independently after gaining some experience.
I hope you can do the same.
Whatever your final choice may be, I will support you and help you.
Do you understand?”

Tang Cuo understood all of this, but he just couldn’t bear it.
He couldn’t even tolerate going to a different school from Tang Xu, let alone being separated by an entire ocean, an entire day, or an entire night.

Seeing him silent, Tang Xu pulled him towards herself and embraced him, saying, “I don’t necessarily want you to go abroad.
If you really go, I will also find it hard to let go.
But no matter where you want to go, I will wait for you.
Your future is your choice, and the choice of our relationship is always yours.
Do you understand what I mean?”

“You…”

Tang Cuo stood frozen in place.
The final promise lacked principles and fairness, and he couldn’t believe it was Tang Xu’s promise.

Tang Xu seemed to know the turmoil in his heart and smiled slightly.
“Do you really think I can’t uphold even a bit of principle for you? You underestimate me too much.”

While he was in a daze, Tang Xu had already let go of him, picked up the knife again, and chatted as she tidied up the things on the cutting board: “Actually, when I first brought you out, I was holding my breath.
At that time, I thought I must make you very successful and achieve great success.
Later, after living with you for a while, my thoughts changed.
At that time, I thought that as long as you can grow up safely and healthily, it will be enough, and I didn’t expect you to become a great talent.”

Although Tang Cuo was still caught up in that promise, he still sniffed and asked softly, “Was it because I was too stupid at that time?”

Tang Xu burst out laughing, saying, “Of course not.
At that time, my mentality was similar to that of all parents in the world, thinking that as long as you grow up healthy, it’s already great.”

Tang Xu cut the vegetables and sliced a cucumber before finally starting to prepare the fish.
Although he was still cutting it into slices, his movements were gentler, and there was not much noise.

“Even now, I still hope that you can grow up healthy, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally.
I know that many things in the past have not been easy for you, and I hope to do everything in my power to help you achieve complete ease and truly enjoy life.”

Tang Cuo didn’t quite understand these words and looked at Tang Xu with a lot of confusion in his eyes.

Tang Xu still had that smiling expression on his face and held Tang Cuo’s hand, but he leaned over and kissed Tang Cuo’s mouth once and said, “It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand; I’ll teach you slowly.
For now, all you need to know is that no matter how far you can go or how high you can fly based on your own abilities in the future, I will be watching you and loving you.
I will be your support, not your constraint.”

1 The original name of the ice cream is “Kě ài duō” (可爱多) which literally means “adorable many” or “lovely a lot”.
It is a Chinese ice cream brand, and the brand is known for its small size and variety of flavours, and is popular among children and adults alike in China.