I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin

TN: 

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The zombie mentioned in the novel refers to the Chinese jiang shi (僵尸).
Basically preserved corpses that come back to life.
It’s somewhat of a mix between vampires and zombies.
They’re brain dead like zombies but like blood like vampires. The author sometimes call the MCs zong zi (粽子) which means dumplings.
This is the term used by grave robbers to refer to the corpses encased inside the tombs.
They’re wrapped up and preserved like how a dumpling is, ergo the nickname.

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Hello everyone, my name is Wang Xiao Mie.

I am now sleeping in a coffin, wearing a red wedding ceremonial gown and being reincarnated into a dead-for-a-thousand-years dumpling(zombie).
I am very flustered.
Not only do I dare not move but I also need to pee.

Why is that? Because I realize that that was not the most terrifying thing.
What’s more terrifying is that this coffin was not meant for one person… it’s a f**king a double sized bed!

Wang Xiao Mie shut his eyes tight.
Actually he had woken up for a while now.
It’s just that when he woke up, he found that he was not himself but had turned into someone who was wearing an ancient red wedding gown, bracket: someone that’s already dead.

Next to him laid a man dressed in a red and black robe.
A seemingly alive beautiful male, bracket: he’s also already dead.

Wang Xiao Mie’s eyes rolled and he lost consciousness due to fright.

When he woke up once again, Wang Xiao Mie found out that the big bro next to him actually m….m…m..moved!!!

Sh*t….!!

Wang Xiao Mie kept his eyes shut, not daring to look at the person beside him.

So what if he’s handsome?! Even if he’s handsome, he’s still dead! Dammit he even moved!

Oh Jade Emperor ….Buddha of Tathagata …Virgin Mother Mary…

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Scenes of Taoist priests and zombies from the movies flashed through his head.
He was afraid his neck would be bitten off in one go by the big dumpling.

As a result, the big brother next to him made even bigger movements and a cold chilling touch was pasted on his neck.

Ah Ah Ah —!

He tried to hold back his pee and his scream.
He could even feel the goosebumps on his neck… eh? Do dead people have goosebumps?

Wang Xiao Mie has an illness.
The more scared and nervous he got, the more calm his facial expression would be.
When he was overly scared or nervous, he would even laugh out crazily.
When he was little and had to get injections with other children, the other children would be crying while he would be laughing. 

The nurse thought that he had become a retard because of the injection.

Just as the saying goes “the expression is steady as an old dog, in fact comparable to real panic” 

With his years of experience as the old dog, Wang Xiao Mie managed to bear the itch on his neck and remained still.
Feeling the coolness leaving, and before he could rejoice…

The handsome dumpling began to pull at his clothes…

Em… pulling at his clothes…

You stinky hooligan!

The icy cold claws are rubbing against my body.
If lao zi don’t personally kick you on the knee  lao zi  will write my surname upside down!

… anyways it’s the same even if it’s inverted.
(his surname is 王, so you can see even if it’s inverted it’s still the same word)

When Wang Xiao Mie wanted to summon up the courage to fight for his moral integrity and dignity, the ancient cosplay handsome dumpling gently hugged him and sighed.
A cool breath emitted onto his forehead.

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“Mian Deng, it’s yet another mortal day.
When will you wake up?”

It turned out that dumplings could even talk.
Wang Xiao Mie thought silently, who is Mian Deng? Could it be the original master of this body? It seems this body is only well preserved, it cannot come back to life.

As he was thinking about this, a cool breath came close to his mouth, carrying a scent of old eaglewood.
He was then kissed tenderly for a moment.

Oh sh*t! My first kiss!

Wang Xiao Mie’s tears flowed internally into a river.
Unbelievably, his first kiss was ta