It Could Get Worse
We\'re All Fucked Anyway
se them right back. Neither of us care. Im basically my mother.
I feel sick all day as the idea swirls around my head. Have I really been acting like my mother? Am I the kind of person who stays with people I don love just because he buys me stuff, and I don have to pretend to be happy around him? He just ignores all emotions except his own. Is that what makes me happy, is that what I want?
I ignore Charlie when he grabs my hand at the end of the day, trying to flirt with me. I tell him I have to go home right after school. I slide my eyes to see if hes mad, but hes oblivious to any words that I made. His eyes eat up a younger girl next to us. His half smile makes her blush while out intertwined fingers burn. Pathetic. I throw his finger off mine, and leave while trying not to make a scene. A part of me wants him to follow me, to plead and ask me to come back. Maybe even for him to convince me not to go home right after school. To get on his knees and tell me he loves me. I want him to beg me to be his again, that he has eyes for me and me alone. Hell, Id settle for a convincing please.
My knees shake in the wind as I walk next to the train tracks, alone. I stare at my feet letting them take me wherever they want. I don have anything to do, or anywhere to go. Mom wouldn be passed out this early, and normally Im with Charlie. My neck prickles to the earths breath. I stop and turn around to find a strong gust of wind. I close my eyes to keep dirt from flying in them. I feel little pellets of train dirt hit my cheeks and chest. Slowly my hair settles against my face. My eyelids rise to two skinny boys walking my way. Normally, you don worry about two small teens, but in this neighborhood they
e prime picking for gangs.
I spin on my heel, trying to act carefree and seamless. Walk quicker, but don be obvious I think. My hand slides up from my leg to my other hand, I rub them together. ”Oh man, its so cold out! ” I try to make them say. I flip them back, the back of my hands sliding on my slick, black coat. My right fingers feel the tip of my pocket knife right as someone grabs my elbow. Im yanked to face something scarier than the two skinny, white boys.
Those cheeky dimples, and bright white teeth blind my vision. I try to pull my arm out of his strong hands. I feel the bruise growing under his fingers on my wrist, and stop pulling. ”What you doing around here hun? ” The white boys come up and stand next to us.
”I live around here poindexter. ” The white boys give me a pity chuckle.
”Nuh uh, I thought you were livin in one of dem fancy mansions your friends own. ”
”You mean my boy….friend? He does live in a mansion, but I don live there. Normal people don move in together until after high school. ” I give him a cocky, glare.
”Bitch got a quiet mouf on her for being part of the ghetto. ” The blonde boy says with a lisp.
”And you have a lack thereof, bitch. ” He puffs out his chest towards me, but stops when Leo raises his hand. He gives them a look, and they start to leave. My hands start to precipitate, and suddenly the white boys are my safety walking away. That evil grin turns to me, and my heart starts racing. I see a new tattoo wrap up his arm from his wrist. Stupid Charlie, its not his fault but Im going to blame him anyway.
” He says after a while of silence. I give a huff and look down the tracks looking for an escape plan if I need it. He grabs my chin and jerks my face back to his.
”Look, I understand you
e playing around with this new bitchy personality, but we both know thats not you. You can turn off this fake badass act. We know you
e just a scared little girl. You don have to act in front of me babe. ” My blood boils and my fists clench at his analysis of me. I take my free arm and swing it at his ear. It won do much, but a hit is better than nothing. His head turns a little at the shock of the smack. When his eyes turn to mine again, they
e on fire. My leg sweeps up to hit him in the knee, but to my surprise he catches it. He gives me a smirking glare while he pulls my leg out from under me. My back hits the ground with an audible thump that echoes in my ears.
The sky is cold and gray, as is he. ”You know I don like being mean to you Mona, but when you act like that what am I supposed to do? ” I try to kick my foot out of his hand. He gives me an angry grunt, and starts dragging me down the tracks. I keep trying to get my foot out of his grip while his temper rises. I take my left foot and rise it above his hand. While trying to keep balance I swing it down on his fingers. He shouts and drops me. Im on my feet as fast as I can and running. My brain just keeps telling me to go to the buildings. Nobody will probably help me, but Leo won do anything with people around. Hopefully.
I get past the corner of the nearest building, and at the front of the shop is an empty street. I look to the sides and see one man passed out on the ground. ”Damn it. ” I go to run down the street when I get yanked back by the waist. My back hits his chest, his breath hot in my ear.
”You act like Im gonna hurt you stupid. ” He chuckles quietly in my ear. He turns me around to face him, holding on to my elbow this time. I try to move and he squeezes making me wince.
”Considering who you are, I don expect anything less. ”
”Christ, you act as if Im this big scary guy. You went around telling everyone how awful I was. Oh yeah, Lil told me the little sob story you told everyone. Why do you think the guys don talk to you anymore dummy. ”
I scoff, ”So, you two together now? Or is she still just hoping youll give her the time of day? ”
”We ain together, together. ” He says with a little half-smile.
”Impressive, you got a girl with no self-respect to sleep with you. ”
”Yeah well, its my type.
” He looks me up and down. My middle finger goes down almost as soon as it is up.
”Look, I thought this hard, bad girl routine was cute at first, but you
e starting to piss me off. ” My fingers start to go numb, but I glare and stare him down. ”Why you acting like this? Lil and I didn start sleeping together till we broke up. ”
”I wouldn care even if you did. You
e not my problem anymore. ” He scoots in closer grabbing my check and chin with his hand. His face sits inches from mine, so close his breath is almost my own.
”Why you gotta be cruel to me all the time? Im trying to be friendly and you
e so hostile. ” I try to pull out of his grips on me. He pulls me toward him while I keep trying to get out of his arms. ”Knock it off. ” My head yanks back as he grabs my hair by the roots. I feel his hand on my chest shoving me to the ground before I even see him coming. My ass hits the ground with a sharp bite of pain with my back following. I see the swing of the fist seconds before the sound of the punch echoes from Leos face. He looks back forward wiping a little blood from his broken lip. His eyes are on mine as soon as I look up. The death glare of his never let go of mine.
”Leave our kind be. Trash. ” Leo smiles, sends a kiss my way and leaves. A hand reaches down towards me. I push myself up off the ground, and my eyes become level with a white shirt and jacket. His hand touches my cheek, ”You have a scratch on your face. ” His voice is so monotone it sounds as if hes bored. I meet his eyes, ”You live around here? ” I see a bit of his dark brown hair hanging in his face.
”Uh, yeah. ”
”Why are you wearing that uniform then? Did you steal it? ”
”What the hell are you talking about? ”
”Its full of dirt. Ill be letting the principle know that a poor girl stole a uniform tomorrow. ” He turns on his heel and stalks off. I stand stunned for a while. I head to my moms apartment when I break out of the shock. Guess Ill have something to deal with at school tomorrow.