Purely by Accident

ples, I went on playing the part of the amiable swindler.
‘Then you must know the way to the princess’ manor?’

The naive youth nodded.

I flicked the fan open again; the crisp snap it made couldn’t drown out my sudden chortle.
‘Then take me there!’

We made our way down flower-lined paths and willow-lined roads, along the riverbank and across the bridge, through the twists and turns of various streets and alleys, until finally we arrived at—

I looked up at the building before us.
The words ‘Chunyi House’, written in a hand that somehow contrived to seem louche, adorned the sign that hung above its entrance.
‘What godforsaken place is this?’ I demanded.

Zheng Hao looked as though I had wronged him deeply.
After long interval of head-scratching and hand-wringing, he finally managed to force out, ‘I… I speak very slowly, but you… you walk very quickly, young master… You kept turning corners where… where you shouldn’t have…’

He might be quick-fingered, but he was definitely slow-tongued.
I let out a long, inward sigh.
It seemed heaven was fair, after all.

Just as I was turning to go, a hand gorgeously bedecked with rings caught hold of me by the wrist.
Strong perfume assaulted my nostrils.
‘Greetings, young masters,’ said the full-figured woman to whom the hand belonged — no doubt the madam of the establishment we’d found ourselves standing in front of.
‘Since you’re already here, why not come in? All the young ladies at Chunyi House are first-rate.’

So it was a brothel after all — a brothel! I looked over at the red-faced Zheng Hao, whose wrist was caught firmly in the woman’s other hand.
He looked like a lamb being led to slaughter.
Resigned, I turned back towards the madam, rubbing my nose ruefully.
Her eyes lit up.

She looked me up and down, then up and down again.
‘What an outstandingly handsome[8] man you are, young master.’

I chuckled awkwardly and tried to fling her hand off with some force, but to no avail.
‘I, er, I don’t have any money on me today.
Perhaps some other time, eh?’

The madam only tightened her grip around my wrist.
The smile on her face grew so wide that it threatened to engulf even her broad face.
‘Don’t worry about that.
It won’t cost you anything just to come in and have a little tête-à-tête with our young ladies.’

Ah.
So she was the persistent type.
There was nothing for it: I was going to have to break out my secret weapon.

Back at the stronghold, Xu Ziqi had developed a clever trick for turning down the attentions of besotted young women.
I’d had many opportunities to witness it in action.
Now, I put on the same sorrowful expression I’d seen him assume.
‘To tell you the truth, I have no interest in young ladies.’ At this, the madam’s eyes widened.
Secretly, I patted myself on the back.
‘You may well laugh,’ I went on, ‘but I’ — and here I lowered my voice — ‘am actually a cut-sleeve.’

Beside me, Zheng Hao gave a sudden shiver.
He looked as pitiful as a willow catkin fluttering helplessly in the wind.

The madam’s face was all aglow with delight.
‘What a coincidence! We also have many lovely young men here at Chunyi House.
What type do you fancy, young master? Just let me know.
I don’t want to boast, but however wild your wildest fantasies are, we can cater to them!’

With an almighty heave, she dragged both of us across the threshold.
The front door banged shut behind us, and the madam finally freed us from her vice-like grip.

I gave her a wan smile as I rubbed my wrists.
Then I roared, ‘Xiao Hao, let’s make a run for it!’

In our panic, there was no time to plan out a route; instead, we rushed through the building like a pair of headless chickens.[9] We dashed up the stairs, turned a corner and raced down a corridor.
From the rooms on either side came suspicious panting noises.
Cursing inwardly, I went on running.
Finally, we happened across a room that seemed quiet and therefore likely to be unoccupied.
I shoved the door open and ducked inside, dragging Zheng Hao with me.
Nimbly, he bolted the door shut behind us.

I was bending over slightly, trying to catch my breath, when Zheng Hao tugged at my sleeve.
I saw that he was pointing at something deeper inside the room.
My eyes followed his finger, and fell upon — oh, what a dazzlingly beautiful woman!

Her brows were as graceful as the curve of a weeping willow tree, and her eyes were as dark as ink.
Her brilliant red lips were slightly parted, revealing her pearly white teeth.
She was as lovely as a flower, as exquisite as if she had stepped out of a painting.[10] She was looking directly at me, with one eyebrow arched.
A corner of her lip curled; there was a hint of slyness in her expression.

I stared at her in stunned silence for a few moments — and, once I’d managed to recover, gave myself a sharp smack on the head. Why were you staring at that woman? Fine, so she’s attractive, but what’s that got to do with you? Fine, so you like women, but — that’s it! The princess is the one you love, so what are you staring at some other woman for? How could she possibly be more beautiful than the princess?

I shook my head, then cleared my throat and cupped my hands together in a gesture of respect.
‘Please don’t take offence, miss.
We’ve stumbled in here completely by accident — we were in too much of a hurry to look where we were going.
I hope you can forgive us.’

She tilted her head as if thinking the matter over, then suddenly smiled.
‘”Miss”?’

Oh, right.
Since she was here, she must be what people called a lady of the night.
Was ‘miss’ an inappropriate form of address for someone in her profession? I wasn’t sure.
Out of nowhere, I felt a sudden stab of pity.
How had such a charming young woman ended up in a place like this?

She stepped closer to me, her smile even brighter than before.
‘And here I thought you must be one of Chunyi House’s new male courtesans.
What a waste of those good looks.’

My face practically burst into flames.
So she wasn’t a working girl after all, but a patron.
How permissive the mores of the capital were! Every other man was a philanderer, every other woman a libertine.

I bowed[11] hastily to her then stepped out of the room, dragging Zheng Hao with me.
Behind us, the woman gave a low, musical laugh.

We managed to find a convenient window, and from there we were able to leap down onto the street below.
Zheng Hao’s little face was completely ashen; he seemed to be thoroughly traumatised by our encounter with the beautiful woman.
He was holding something in one trembling hand.
When he thrust it at me, I saw that it was a handkerchief of piercingly bright red silk.
A white feather had been embroidered on one corner.
It looked positively dazzling against the red fabric.

‘Where did this come from?’ I asked.

Zheng Hao said nothing, but pointed a shaky finger at the building we’d just escaped from.

‘From the woman we just ran into?’

He nodded.

‘Why did you lift it off her? Do you fancy her or something?’

Zheng Hao’s hitherto ashen face suddenly flushed crimson.
‘F-f-force of habit.’

I looked down at the handkerchief, then called to mind its owner’s face.
For no reason I could name, it struck me that there was something familiar about her.
The thought left me momentarily puzzled.

***

Footnotes:

In Chinese, 黄酒.
A traditional Chinese alcoholic beverage made by fermenting grains such as rice, glutinous rice or millet.
One of the best-known yellow wines is Shaoxing wine (绍兴酒), which is often used for cooking.  In Chinese, 琴.
A traditional seven-string musical instrument favoured by scholars and literati and considered highly refined.  In the original text, 风乍起, 吹皱一池春水.
This is the first line from a ci poem by Feng Yansi (冯延巳, also known as Feng Yanji 冯延己), a poet and politician who lived during the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms (五代十国) period.
It is set to the tune of ‘At the Golden Gate’ (谒金门).
The poem describes a young noblewoman missing her husband in the springtime.  In Chinese, 闺怨 (see footnote 11 to Chapter 8).  In the original text, 国不可一日无君, 家不可一日无主.
It means that neither a country nor a household can go a day without a leader.
The saying may originate from The Water Margin (水浒传, also known as Outlaws of the Marsh), one of the Four Great Classical Novels of Chinese literature.
The authorship of the novel is traditionally attributed to Shi Nai’an (施耐庵), a writer from the Yuan and early Ming dynasties, about whom little is known.  In the original text, 黑白分明, literally ‘the black parts (of the eyes) are clearly distinguished from the white parts’.
This is regarded as an attractive quality.  In Chinese, the name ‘Zheng Hao’ (郑好) sounds exactly like ‘just right’ (正好).  In the original text, 人中龙凤, literally ‘a dragon or phoenix among humans’.  In the original text, 无头苍蝇, literally ‘headless flies’.  In the original text, the chengyu 般般入画, literally ‘fit to be painted into a painting’.  In the original text, 作揖.
A traditional gesture of greeting or farewell in which one bows while cupping one hand over the other in front of one’s chest.